Leon’s Poetry


Interrupted Dream

Forever building up my courage
Thinking of the perfect words to say
Waiting endlessly for the right time to tell you
Secretly hoping you already sensed – already knew
Hoping you might say it first

And then the perfect moment came
Our eyes met and held
During a silent pause over a shared banana split
I tried to tell you, but my feelings overwhelmed me
And though I struggled to speak calmly through trembling lips
I panicked and forgot my rehearsed words

You had to hear my heart beating in its wild panic
You must have seen me trying to voice escaped words
You had to notice my hands, frozen in a gesture of helplessness
You had to hear me blurt out the words
. . . “I love you more than life” . . .

You glanced up at the ceiling and then back to my eyes
You looked puzzled
Then astonished
Then incredulous
Then curious
Then apprehensive
You laughed and started talking

But I couldn’t hear your response through my cloud of panic
Did I hear you say “just friends”
Did I hear you say “not ready to take that step”
Did I hear you say “what do you expect me to say”
Did I hear you say “I don’t feel that way about you”
Did I hear you say “more like a brother to me”
Did I hear anything you said – through my deaf panic

We got up to leave
I wanted to say more, but couldn’t
How could I answer back to words I hadn’t heard
I felt my world disintegrating – All my dreams unraveling
I held the door open for you
And felt you brush lightly against my arm
As you passed through

We walked slowly toward my car
My ride into a future with no hope – no love – no you
I sighed and wondered how I would go on
Wondered what I could say to save face
Wondered if you cared at all

Wondered if I would have the courage to tell you again
Wondered how I could make you see me
Wondered how I could make you understand
Wondered if there was any more reason to try

But as we walked
Our arms brushing lightly against each other
Your hand found mine
Your fingers intertwined with mine
You squeezed my hand for a second or two – ever so slightly
And you said softly and sincerely “I love you too”

I felt tears inching slowly down my cheek
I reached up to wipe them away
And the touch of my fingers on my face awakened me
From the dream I was having

I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling
I pushed down the warm blanket bunched up at my neck
I yearned to return to the dream
I tried . . . I couldn’t . . .

I thought of you – and the dream – and cried again
From missing you – from wanting you – from loving you
I felt saddened, I felt hopeless, I felt lost

And suddenly I realized where I was . . .

I reached out with my hand
To feel you lying there – next to me

I turned to look at you
to reassure myself this was real
I couldn’t bear another interrupted dream of you

You were lying on your side facing me
Your lips open ever so slightly, almost beckoning
Our blanket pulled all the way over your shoulders
Your slow, enticingly warm breath wafted across my face
I put my hand on your side, at the curve of your hip
Feeling your warmth, the texture of your skin
The pulse of your beating heart
I thought I saw the hint of a smile sneak across your lips

You breathed a contented sigh
Your hand found mine
Your fingers intertwined with mine
I whispered “I love you more than life”
And you answered quietly “I love you more than that”

Your eyes opened for only a second, to see me adoring you
You smiled again, closed your eyes and fell asleep

And my life started over – as it did every morning
Waking up to you – to warmth, to love
To hope, to desire, to beauty
I felt more tears on my cheek
This time I didn’t wipe them away
I closed my eyes and fell asleep

Knowing I would dream of you again
Knowing you would be there when I awoke
Knowing that awake or asleep, you were always my dream
Knowing that every time I dream of you
I’m dreaming of you for the first time

Copyright ©1998 by Leon D. Schlossberg. All rights reserved.

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